放下羞愧与恐惧的指南

明曲

放下羞愧与恐惧的指南

Many of us are so often in a state of shame or fear that we often don’t realize they’re even there.


我们许多人经常处于羞愧或恐惧的状态，我们甚至经常都意识不到它们在那


Shame and fear pervade most of our lives to an extent rarely understood, so that our days revolve around them.


羞愧和恐惧渗·透我们的生活到了几乎难以理解的程度，所以我们的日子都围绕着它们在转


Some examples of shame and fear that are fairly common:


一些很常见的羞愧与恐惧的例子：


We are unhappy with ourselves or our bodies, and feel a sense of shame around how we look or how we are


1.我们对自己或我们的身体感到不满意，对我们的样子或所是感到羞愧


We procrastinate or get lost in distraction, and feel shame around that laziness or lack of focus


2.我们在分心中拖延或迷失，对懒惰或缺乏专注感到羞愧


We don’t exercise, meditate, write, journal, read or eat as well as we’d like, and feel shame around these failures


3.我们并不按自己喜欢的那样锻炼、冥想、写作、日记、阅读或吃，对这些失败感到羞愧


We don’t call our loved ones as much as we’d like, and feel shame around that


4.我们并不按自己喜欢的那样尽可能多地和心爱之人联系，并对此感到羞愧


We fear the unknown, and so we stress out about the uncertainty in our lives


5.我们恐惧未知，所以我们对生活中的不确定性感到压力


We feel shaky if we have to give a presentation or speech, and so we do worse (and feel shame about it) or enjoy it less than we could


6.我们感到摇晃，如果我们必须展现或演讲，所以我们做得比我们可以的要糟糕（对此感到羞愧）或并不享受


We don’t speak the truth or have difficult conversations for fear of the fallout of such directness


7.我们并不述说真理或难以交谈，因为恐惧如此率直的影响


We shrink away from difficult tasks or projects because of fear of discomfort or being overwhelmed


8.我们退缩于困难的任务或项目，因为恐惧不适或不知所措


We stress out about upcoming trips, meetings, parties, projects because of fear of how it’ll go


9. 我们对即将到来的旅行、会面、聚会、项目感到压力，因为恐惧它们的进展


So we allow fear to cause us to shrink from taking the action we want, or to make those actions less enjoyable. We allow shame to make us feel bad about ourselves and our lives, degrading our happiness and relationships.


所以我们让恐惧导致我们退缩于做出我们想要的行动，或者使得那些行动不怎么令人满意。我们让羞愧使得我们对自己和生活感觉不好，降低我们的幸福度和人际关系


What would it be like if you were free of shame?


如果你自由于羞愧会怎样？


How would you act if you were free of fear?


如果你自由于恐惧，你会如何行为？


Those aren’t just idle questions: take a moment to reflect on them. They allow us to envision who we could be without shame and fear.


这些不只是闲置的问题：花点时间沉思。它们会让我们想象没有恐惧和羞愧我们可以成为谁


Imagine that you didn’t feel fear (I’m not saying that’s possible, but imagine it) … how would you act differently? For me, I might take bolder chances with my business, push into areas that usually scare the crap out of me. I might give public talks with a greater sense of ease and confidence. I’d openly and lovingly have difficult conversations instead of putting them off. I’d stress out about the future less, trusting more.


想象你感觉不到恐惧（我不是说这是可能的，而是想象）...你会如何不同地行为？对我来说，我可能会对自己的业务采取更大胆的机会，进军通常吓得我屁滚尿流的领域。我可能会伴随着更大的轻盈与自信公开演讲。我会大大方方，有爱地进行困难的谈话，而不是推掉它们。我会对未来拥有更少的压力，更多的相信


Imagine what your life would be like without shame. You could just be present with what’s happening right now, rather than feeling bad about what you’ve already done. You could be happy with who you are, instead of feeling shame about yourself or your body. You could talk to strangers more easily, rather than worrying about what they might think of you. You could miss a couple of workout sessions (or meditation, healthy eating, journaling, etc.) and just start again, without beating yourself up for messing up.


想象没有羞愧你的生活会是什么样的。你可以直面正在发生的，而不是对你已经所做的感到懊悔。你可以对自己的所是感到满意，而不是对自己或你的身体感到羞愧。你会更容易和陌生人说话，而不是担心他们对你的想法。你会错过一些锻炼课时（或冥想、健康饮食、日记等等），你可以重新开始，而不鞭笞自己，就因为你搞砸了。


Life without shame and fear would be more easeful, more peaceful, more confident and trusting.


没有羞愧和恐惧的生活会更加轻松、平和、自信与信任


Now, I’m not saying you can live a life completely free of shame and fear — they will come up whether you like it or not. What I’m proposing is that we can let go of them when they come up, or at least not let them control us.


现在，我不是说你可以过上完全自由于羞愧和恐惧的生活---它们会出现，无论你喜欢与否。我所提议的是我们可以放下它们，当它们出现，或至少不让它们控制我们


The Process of Letting Go


放下的过程


So fear and shame will arise, no matter how much meditation we do, no matter how much we work on ourselves. Emotions come up without our control … but what we do once they come up is, at least to some extent, up to us.


所以恐惧和羞愧会出现，无论我们做了多少的冥想，无论自我的工作做了多少。情绪的出现我们无法控制...但当它们出现，我们可以做的，至少在某种程度上，是取决于我们的


So fear comes up — that in and of itself isn’t a problem. It’s the holding on to the fear that becomes the problem. It’s the letting the fear hold us back from doing what we would otherwise do, or hurt our happiness, that becomes the real difficulty. The same is true of shame.


所以恐惧出现---这本身不是一个问题。紧抓于恐惧才是问题。让恐惧阻碍我们做我们想要做的，或者伤害我们的幸福，才会变成真正的麻烦。羞愧也一样


Step 1: When shame or fear comes up, we can notice. Then we can see them as “no big deal.” They’re not a problem, just a sensation in our body. So the first step is just noticing the sensation caused by fear or shame, without judgment, just observing. Just being mindful of sensation, not getting caught up in them. You’ll notice that neither shame nor fear is that bad, nothing to hate, they’re just sensations.


第一步：当羞愧或恐惧出现，我们会注意到。然后我们可以视它们为“没什么大不了的”。它们不是什么问题，只是身体中的一个感受。所以第一步就是注意到恐惧或羞愧导致的感受，而不评判，只是观察。只是留意感受，而不陷入。你会注意到羞愧或恐惧都没有那么糟糕，没什么好恨的，它们只是感受


Step 2: From this place of noticing, we can become curious. What does this feel like? Where is it coming from? For example, we can feel shame and then be curious about how it feels in our body. Then notice that it’s coming from a sense of not liking something about ourselves. Why do we not like this thing about ourselves? Is there an ideal or expectation we’ve created that causes this dislike? Maybe I think I should be perfect at work or exercise, and I’m not living up to that. For fear … it often comes from a lack of trust, and a sense of uncertainty. Maybe we also have an ideal that there will be no uncertainty, only stability and control, and so fear comes up when this ideal isn’t met.


第二步：从这个注意之地，我们可以变得好奇。它感觉像是什么？它来自哪里？比如，我们可以感到羞愧，然后好奇它在我们的身体中感受如何。然后注意到它来自不喜欢自己的感知。我们为什么不喜欢自己？是否有着一个理念或期望，我们所创造的，导致了这个不喜欢？也许我认为我应该在工作或锻炼中是完美的，我不能辜负。至于恐惧...它经常来自缺乏信任，以及不确定性的感受。也许我们有着一个理念，不会有不确定性，只有稳定和掌控，所以当这个理念未被满足，恐惧出现


Step 3: Once we notice the ideal causing the shame or fear … we can begin to loosen our attachment to it. Is the ideal something that’s helpful? Is it harming us? Where did it come from? Who would we be without that ideal and the fear/shame that it causes? Imagine yourself without the ideal, and try it on like you would a new outfit. Imagine yourself completely trusting in an uncertain future, free of fear. Imagine yourself completely happy with yourself, free of any ideal of what you should be.


第三步：一旦我们注意到理念导致了羞愧或恐惧...我们可以开始松开对它的依附。这个理念对我有帮助吗？它在伤害我们吗？它来自哪里？如果没有那个理念以及它导致的恐惧/羞愧，我们会成为谁？想象自己没有理念，就像尝试新衣服那样去尝试。想象自己完全相信一个不确定的未来，自由于恐惧。想象自己对自己完全满意，自由于你应该是什么样的理念


Step 4: With this new outfit — a lack of the ideal causing your shame/fear — see what it’s like to move around in the world without it. Who are you without the fear? Can you move around with a sense of trust in yourself and in the world? Can you move around with a sense of confidence, a sense of happiness in yourself, a sense of love for yourself? Try this on, and see what changes. See what actions you would take without the shame or fear. See how you show up differently.


第四步：伴随着这个新的衣服---没有导致恐惧或羞愧的理念---看看这样在世上生活会是什么样的。没有恐惧你是谁？你可以伴随着对自己以及世界的信任生活吗？你可以伴随着自信、幸福、自爱生活吗？尝试一下，看看什么会改变。看看没有恐惧或羞愧你会做出什么行动。看看你会如何不同地展现


This isn’t a simple or straightforward process, of course. It’s not as simple as snapping your fingers. But you can try it, and practice. Slowly, you might be able to let go of what ails you, and start to see the beauty in this moment that exists when we let go of what’s getting in the way.


这不是一个简单或直白的过程，当然。这不像弹弹手指那样简单。但你可以尝试，练习。慢慢地，你就能够放下感到不舒适的东西，并开始看到此刻存在的美丽，当我们放下妨碍我们的东西

翻译：Nick Chan https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/LwvBOxQwXVEAq_-EK_W4nw

星路

让我们想象一下----没有恐惧和羞愧我们可以成为谁？